remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
