Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if only i could text you this smell
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
