Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
