careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Four minutes until I can fart!
where does the pee come out of this thing
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
