I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
