Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
