Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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