How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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