If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
