She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
