Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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