Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dick very happy bro
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
