As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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