1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
