omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
