I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
