In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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