bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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