id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
