I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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