I skipped work to stalk him.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
