we're chasing vodka with high fives
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
