OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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