K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
