I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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