So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
