May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
