As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
