So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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