I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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