I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
