It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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