every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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