My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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