Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
