The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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