Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
