if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
