my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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