Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
