guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
