I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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