no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
