can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
