i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
