i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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