just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
