every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
