Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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