Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
