I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
