On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
